Looking for how to use a strapless strap-on, or simply trying to find out what all this strapless fuss is all about? You’re in the right place.
They are mysterious creations, looking both very appealing and confusing at the same time. And, just how the heck do they stay in?
Here is your guide on how to use a strapless strap-on the right way, methods you can use to help them stay in as you thrust away, and how to choose the right one for you and your partner.
What is a Strapless Strap-On?
A strapless strap-on is a strap-on dildo with a difference – there’s no harness involved.
Designed to be worn by someone with a vagina, they have a rounded portion that goes inside the wearer, often called the bulb, saddle or pony, and a larger, more-dildo shaped portion that penetrates the receiver.
Because of how the saddle sits inside the wearer, the idea is that you don’t need any kind of harness to hold it in place. Instead, you get by on the strength of your pelvic floor muscles alone!
There are lots of reasons why people are drawn to strapless strap-ons over their traditional counterparts, including:
- They offer penetration for both parties
- They take less time to put on without a harness, allowing for more spontaneity
- It can be cheaper to buy one sex toy rather than lots of pieces of strap-on equipment
- To avoid pain in the pubic mound that some traditional strap-ons can cause
- Some of them vibrate!
They’re also pretty versatile toys, and are popular with lesbian partners, trans men, and straight couples alike! They can be a great tool for gender play and can even inject some role reversal and power play into your sessions, too.
But, there are some caveats – one of which being that they’re probably not the most suitable toys for strap-on newbies. It takes time to learn how to penetrate someone, and to build up enough strength and stamina in the right parts of your body. Strapless strap-ons can really test your limits, so it’s probably best to start out with a harnessed strap-on that can help you out a bit.
How to Use a Strapless Strap-On
The first step of how to use a strapless strap-on is to get warmed up. Depending on the size of the saddle on your toy, you’ll likely have to get your vagina pretty aroused to insert it comfortably – using a good lube is also highly recommended to slip it in smoothly.
Once you have it in place in a way that feels good, and your partner is also sufficiently warmed up, you can try some penetration! Just remember to go slow and make sure you’re both comfortable with everything, especially if it’s your first time.
One of the many reasons to love strapless strap-ons is how realistic they can look and feel during penetration, whether its vaginal or anal. Different toys do have different shapes and sizes, though, that can make them more or less suitable for how you’re planning on using them.
Here are some of the kinds of strapless strap-ons you might encounter:
Small Bulb
A strapless strap-on with a smaller, bulb-like saddle can be more comfortable for some people to wear, especially for those who aren’t big fans of being penetrated by large things but still want that blissful g-spot massage. This is the Double Wow from Lovehoney, and has a textured bulb and clitoral bumps for extra stimulation, as well as a pretty realistic-feeling shaft.
Large Saddle
The other option for strapless strap-ons is a larger, more curved saddle like Wet For Her Union Strapless Strap On.
While they are bigger, some people find them to be more ergonomically-designed, as they often sit further into the vagina and feel more secure, thanks to the curve.
Vibrating
For even more stimulation for both of you, try a strapless strap-on that vibrates!
There are two main types of vibrating strapless strap-ons: those that come with a removable bullet vibrator in the base, like Lovense Lapis Strapless Strap-On above, and those that have built-in vibrating motors.
Rabbit
For some serious clitoral satifaction while you’re wearing your strapless strap-on, you can opt for one that has built-in rabbit ears like Lovehoney Desire Luxury Strapless Strap-On.
These usually have a motor that vibrates and titillates your clit while you thrust, ensuring that both partners are well and truly pleased.
Adjustable
If you’re concerned about fit or comfort while wearing a strapless strap-on, you can’t go wrong with an adjustable one. The Lovehoney Double Delight has an adjustable saddle that can lock into place, so you kind find your ideal angles and get it on without having to worry about things shifting or bending mid-session.
How Can You Keep a Strapless Strap-On In?
This is the biggest question when it comes to how to use a strapless strap-on, and it’s not the easiest one to answer.
Many people have found that the dream of using a strap-on without the need for a harness or any other kind of support can be extremely difficult, or even impossible.
After all, it gets wet in there! The natural lubrication that the vagina produces, as well as any extra lube that you add to the equation, can make things very slippery – not the ideal environment for keeping a grip on something, especially if it has motors and electronics weighing it down.
Keeping a grip on your strapless strap-on can become even harder when you think about penetration. The movements of your partner can affect how well you can hold onto the saddle, as well as the resistance of wherever you’re penetrating. The anus, in particular, can require some serious pelvic floor strength to penetrate and thrust in and out of.
So what can you do to try and keep your strapless strap-on in place?
Choose Your Strapless Strap-On Wisely
We all have different bodies, and some types of strapless strap-on might suit your body better than others.
Use your previous experiences with dildos and other sex toys if you can – which sizes and shapes felt most comfortable or filling? In general, many people say that strapless strap-ons with larger saddles are more accessible for first-timers.
Take a look at the types of strapless strap-on I described above, and then make sure to do some research of your own on different sex toy stores like Lovehoney and SheVibe to get an idea of what’s out there.
Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor
At the core of keeping in a strapless strap-on is having pelvic floor muscles that are strong enough to keep a good grip on the saddle. If you’re having trouble with it slipping out too often, then you may need to do some work on strengthening them!
There’s lots of advice out there on how to do Kegel exercises effectively, so I won’t go into too much detail about it, except to stress how important it is to do them safely. Doing pelvic floor workouts wrong or too often can actually be counterproductive, and overworking these muscles can cause a lot of problems, including potential pelvic floor dysfunction!
One tool that can help you work on your pelvic floor is Kegel or Ben Wa balls. These are small, fairly weighty balls that you insert into the vagina and keep in place by engaging your pelvic floor muscles. They can come on their own or with strings or cradles that connect them. Some of my recommendations include the Tracey Cox Supersex Kegel Toner Set, the Fifty Shades of Grey Inner Goddess Silver Pleasure Balls, and the very fun-looking Charming Cherries Silicone Kegel Exercisers.
Don’t Squeeze Your Glutes!
As you try and learn how to use a strapless strap-on, you may feel the urge to tense your butt as you try to thrust and engage your pelvic floor, but I’m here to tell you that you should resist!
You might feel like it’s helping you squeeze your Kegel muscles, but it’s actually doing the opposite and deactivating them.
Doing so may also cause you to tilt your pelvis downward, making it easier and more likely for the saddle to slip out of your vagina.
Try a Different Position
If you can’t seem to get your strapless strap-on to stay inside while thrusting, then you may have to rethink your strap-on strategy a little.
It can be easier to keep in a strapless strap-on by keeping your thighs tight together, but this doesn’t really lend itself well to thrusting. Therefore, try changing positions to one that doesn’t require you to thrust.
One of the easiest is to have the wearer lie down and have the receiver ride them, which has the added benefit of the receiver being able to control the speed and depth of penetration themselves.
What Happens if It Won’t Stay In?
Sometimes, no matter how many Kegels you do, your strapless strap-on just will not stay in. It’s not a fault with you, but rather with the design of these kinds of sex toys. By getting rid of the support of a harness, they have made strapless strap-ons pretty difficult to use.
But if you really like the appeal of them, and you’re determined to find a way to make it work, then you can employ a helping hand…
Use a Harness
It may seem to defeat the point, but using a harness with a strapless strap-on can make them so much easier (and more fun) to use.
While there are some more traditional strappy harnesses that can hold a strapless strap-on, you might be better off with a pair of harness underwear.
These brief-style harnesses are softer, stretchier and often lead to a more secure fit. There are a few different styles available, from this simple pair from Lovehoney, to the sleek and sexy look of this harness thong, and this convertible pair by SpareParts.
Opt for a Traditional Strap-On
The option for how to use a strapless strap-on when it won’t stop falling out is to… give up.
It’s okay, there will be no judgement from me – they’re just not everyone’s cup of tea.
But, that doesn’t mean that you have to give up on all strap-on adventures! There are plenty of strap-on kits out there for you to experiment with, ranging from beginner to expert level, with every kind of dildo and attachment imaginable.
If you, or your partner, are concerned about the wearer not receiving the same level of pleasure from a traditional strap-on compared to a strapless strap-on, then worry not. There are plenty of strap-on harnesses available that feature strategically positioned pockets for a bullet vibrator, so no one’s left out of the fun.
If I’ve done my job well, you now hopefully have an idea of how to use a strapless strap-on, and if they’re the right choice for you.
And no shade to strapless strap-ons! The look of your partner wearing one can be incredibly arousing, and they’re a real innovation when it comes to mutual pleasure sex toys. But, just maybe the design needs a little more tweaking…